I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Even my vagina gasped.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Come on in and take your pants off
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