You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
