Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
