yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
