brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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