Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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