really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
