those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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