after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
