It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
