6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
