I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
