What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
