can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
