I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
