stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
