I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
