Screwed.edu
Can Purell be used as lube?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
