I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
