I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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