I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
