You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
