It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
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New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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