Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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