i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
