K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Welp...herpes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
