I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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