Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
