1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
