I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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