sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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