Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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