I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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