You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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