I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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