things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
