I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you never un-have a 4some
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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