My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
