so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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