so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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