He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
