I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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