she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
