Sry I called you an 8
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
