your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
