sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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