Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
