i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
