could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
