I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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