I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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