State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
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