i think i have two assholes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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