God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
