you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
