Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
