her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
