I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
