there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
