Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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