why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
