Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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