dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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