I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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