I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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