She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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