She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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