My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
