So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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