I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
