I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
